MI6 vs CIA
by Lady Von Oncins
Summary: Maou's Intelligence section 6 versus Conrart's Intelligence Agency. Enough said!
1. Chapter 1

These are the series of events that took place after an all out cold war was called in Annoy the Maou.

I do not own KKM, and nor do I make any money or profit.

When reading about each MI6 please hum the James Bond Theme.

When reading about CIA please hum the Mission Impossible Theme.

Please note the subtle differences between each faction!

* * *

MI6

Yuuri, Wolfram, Greta, Gisela, Gwendal and Anissina (or rather said 00Black, 00Blue, 00Brown, 00Green, G, and A) were leisurely having afternoon tea out on the terrace overlooking Celi's garden. The tea consisted of various common and exotic teas, pastries, cucumber sandwiches, scones, and sherry. They elegantly ate and eloquently chit chatted about little topics. But, the underscoring topic was to recruit more spooks into MI6. 00Black said that the four gossipy maids would be a good addition. G stripped that idea down. They were to gossipy.

00Green recommended her father. 00Blue was against it – just what he needed. Gunter to gush over Yuuri. G, on the other hand, thought it would be a good idea. A thought of it as an excellent idea as she could use some lab assistance. G asked 00Blue if he was willing to assist A in her lab. 00Blue changed his mind. Yuuri agreed. Gunter would be a great assistant for A. Gunter would be recruited.

Behind a column, unseen by anyone, stood a dressed in white, double lavender demon. He had heard the conversation. The wanted to recruit him only to be Anissina's lab rat!

CIA

In the depths of the bowels, of the shabbiest tavern in the village, was a secret room that smugglers used to use. The windowless room was large and had been cleaned and redecorated. A long the back wall were large flat screen monitors. One of the monitors showed a group of people having afternoon tea. The picture quality was poor, and the sound was all static. In front of the monitors were five desk. Each desk was equipped with a state of the art computer terminal. At one of the terminals sat Director Wise.. His glasses reflected the light coming from the terminal screen. He clicked the mouse. He typed in program codes. To his dismay he could not make the static go away nor improve the picture quality so he could read lips.

Off to the side in the room was another room that had been built out of glass. In the glass room was a long executive table which on each side was a five boardroom leather chairs. In the middle of the table was a free standing double sided screen. At the end of the table was a touch screen incorporated into the table.

The entrance to the windowless room was a large stainless steel door. The only way in or out of the room was through that door. The only way to open the door was by palm print identification.

Since the room was windowless, Director Wise had the forethought of installing a ventilation system. The ventilation system kept the room at a pleasant temperature. It was state of the art air conditioning system. The room was lit, of course, by state of the art, energy saving, lighting system.

The door to the CIA headquarters opened. Director Wise turned to see S.A.s (Special Agents) Brown and Orange enter. Behind them was their latest recruit. Director Wise approached the new agent and welcomed them. Both special agents had been surprised when Director Wise informed them of whom the new agent was. They had found it hard to believe that such a person would become a CIA agent and go up against MI6. Director Wise left out the reasons why the new agent was joining them. Wise lead the group to the glass room.

Each agent took a chair. Wise cleared his throat. "Lady Ulrike we are most grateful to you for join our agency."

"It is the least I could do for you," she replied.

"Lady Ulrike, Special Agent Orange and I found it very strange that you would gladly join us," said Brown.

"I understand your concerns, but I do have my reasons-" she was interrupted by Wise.

"If all of you would look up at the screen you will see why Lady Ulrike has joined us." They all looked at the screen. The screen showed the afternoon tea party. Wise adjusted the zoom and zoomed onto the table. The image was fuzzy, but there was no mistake. Standing next to the sugar bowl was none other than Shinou.

"His code name is Greatpenny," Ulrike explained.

"Hence the reason why I made this place our headquarters and not the temple," Wise added.

Ulrike continued, "He has confiscated my orb. He is using my orb to track the three of you. I can only use my orb when he is not in the temple. He reports directly to 00Black or G three to four times a day and for only a few minutes."

"So what is he using the orb for?" Orange asked.

"He is using it to track us down and watch our every movement," Wise explained. "If you have noticed there are no insects in the area. I have placed several wind powered state of the art electronic bug repellent devises around the area."

"No wonder there are no flies in the old tavern," Orange said.

Brown added, "Is he using the fly again?"

"Actually he his using several different types of insects," Ulrike explained.

There was a knock at the door. "Most be our order," Orange said as he rose from his chair and went to answer the door.

Two minutes later Orange returned. He was holding a box. On top of the box were 4 large mugs. "Who has the latte?" he asked. Wise raised his hand. Orange handed the latte to Wise. "Lady Ulrike I guess yours is the mocha with whipped cream." He handed it over to her. "Conrart you are the same as me. Straight up Black American." He hand Brown one of the last remaining coffees.

"What is in the box?" Ulrike asked.

"What else!" Orange opened the box, "DOUGHNUTS!"

After each agent had chosen their doughnuts, they continued with the briefing. "As I was explaining, he is using different types of insects. Thanks to His Highness' devices he has no bugs to bug us."

"In other words, our HQ is safe from his insect network," Wise added.

"There is one more thing," Ulrike added. "Once he is out giving his reports, I have access to the orb. I can review what he has seen during that time."

"Excellent! We can be one step ahead of MI6," Brown commented.

"There is another reason that Lady Ulrike has joined us. Would you like to explain Lady Ulrike?" Wise asked.

"Of course. The other reason is, well, I felt sorry for you. You only have three agents in the CIA whilst MI6 has seven, possibly eight. Also, except for one member, they are all powerful magic users. The only person here that uses magic is His Highness. You need more magic users. You are at a disadvantage. Also, I am the perfect mole. Who would ever suspect me to be a CIA agent? That would be laughable." Ulrike grinned.

"As Lady Ulrike stated, she is the perfect mole. At first I thought of giving her the designation of Special Agent Octopussy, but that would have given her away. Therefore from this day on she shall be known as Special Agent 99."

"Special Agent 99?" Orange and Brown asked.

"In the TV series and movie Agent 99's name is never revealed. She is always referred as Agent 99 or just 99," Wise explained.

"I like that designation. So, from now on please refer to me as Special Agent 99." 99 turned her head away from the table. "I must return to the temple. Shinou will be heading back soon."

With that, she rose from her chair and made her way to the exit. S.A. Orange volunteered to escort her back to the temple. 99 graciously accepted.

After they left Wise pulled Brown off to one of the terminals. He pulled up onto the screen a scanned copy of the original Annoy the Maou list. "A few days ago I figured out who sent this letter," Wise said to Brown.

"Who sent it?"

"Bob! Earth's Maou with Big Brother of My Friend's help."

"Bob and Shouri? Are you certain?"

"Yes. There are too many references to Earth customs for it to have been sent from here."

"I see. But why would Bob make up such a list?"

"I believe it might be in retaliation to the events after the reading of you know what. And you do remember what happened after the reading of you know what?"

Brown shivered. "Don't remind me!"

"Your punishment was not as bad as mine!"

"You must have had it bad. But I think Shinou's was the worse."

Wise nodded his head. "That was the worst! That is probably why he his sucking up to Shibuya. Anyway, I have been in contact with Earth. I let them know the situation. Bob is not happy the Shibuya is retaliating. Therefore, he is willing to help. As you may have seen, all this equipment and technology is Earth based. 99 was wrong when she said we were at a disadvantage. Actually we maybe at the advantage since we do not rely on magic. Look at this secret base."

"I have to agree. But from where are we getting electricity?"

"I refurbished and outfitted the old windmill at the back with the latest wind powered generators. Wind power is quiet, cheap, and easily disguised as a run down windmill.

"I have one concern about all of this," Brown said.

"What is it?"

"Just hope that Anissina does not see and get her hands on all this technology."

MI6

"It was a pleasure having tea with you this lovely afternoon," Shinou said. He had moved from the sugar bowl over to the honey. "I shall be leaving shortly. As soon as Ulrike returns to the shrine."

"Ulrike is not a the shrine?" Yuuri asked. He beat everyone to the question.

"No. She was recruited by Special Agent Wise."

"Ulrike has joined the CIA?" Wolfram said as he stood up and slammed his hands on the table causing the honey jar to wobble. Shinou held it steady.

"Yes, my bratty, descendant she has." Shinou moved away from the honey… just in case.

"Care to explain why she has joined them?" Gwendal asked stoically.

"The only thing I can think of is that she felt sorry for them," Shinou said with a wave of the hand. "Or it could be that she is angry with me for confiscating her orb."

"That does present a problem," Gwendal said.

"I wonder if her code name is Special Agent Octopussy?" Yuuri said wondering out loud.

"Who cares what her name is wimp!" Wolfram said as he slapped Yuuri across the head. "There are far more important issues at hand than her code name!"

"Like what?" Yuuri asked. He still thought that knowing her code name was important.

"She can help the Sage open portals to transport paintball guns." Shinou explained.

Yuuri paled. "Oh, yeah, that is a problem." Then he smiled. Paintball wars! How cool was that?

The white figure, still obscured by the column, overheard the conversation. Lady Ulrike was comprised. He shook his head. What should he do? Join MI6 and become Anissina's permanent lab rat? Or, join the CIA in order to save himself. What to do, what to do! What if… what if he joined both and became a mole? Better yet, he would join the CIA, let them know the Ulrike was comprised, and not become Anissina's lab rat.

The only problem was that he would be betraying his most precious King. But, it had been the King that approved that he be the lab rat. The lone white figure knew that if needed he would give his life for his King, but never be a lab rat! The King had Gwendal and Wolfram for that! And besides, MI6 agents out numbered the CIA agents. He had to admit it, he had fun annoying the Maou. So why not annoy him even more? That is what the Maou deserved for falling asleep during history listens.

The ghostly figure stealthily walked away from the MI6 meeting. He went to his chambers, found a long brown cloak, and left for the stables. If he had heard correctly, Lady Ulrike was on her way back to the temple. That meant the either Conrart or Yozak would be escorting her. Therefore, he would intercept one of the special agents on the way to the temple.

Later on in the afternoon Gwendal went looking for Gunter, but he could not find him anywhere.

CIA:

Wise and Brown where seated by one of the terminals going over the Annoy the Maou list. The next mission was coming up, and they had to recruit some more agents. They were in the middle of the discussion when the HQ's door opened. They both turned to see S.A. Orange enter with the biggest and devilish grin on his face ever.

"Do I have a surprise for you two!" Orange said as he let in a cloaked figure.

Wise and Brown stood up to see who the mystery guest was. The cloaked figure pushed back his hood as the HQ's door closed. Two pairs of eyes jumped out of their respective sockets. Two mouths dropped open and hit the floor. Slowly the eyes returned to their sockets, and the mouths rose up into giant smiles.

S.A. Wise cleared his throat. "Lord von Christ what do we owe the honour of your visit?"

S.A. Brown was more to the point. "Gunter, why are you here? What happened?"

"His most glorious Majesty, Lord von Bratfeld, and Lord von Vulture will attempt to recruit me to became that… that… woman's guinea pig! I heard it with my own two ears! I will serve His Majesty till my dying days! I will PUT MY LIFE ON THE LINE FOR HIM! But NEVER will I be that Mad Scientist lab rat! I have my pride! And I draw the line when IT COMES TO THAT WOMAN'S MAD EXPERIMENTS! WHAT DOES YUURI WANT ME TO BE? HER PAINTBALL CANON MOVING TARGET? NEVER! YOU HEAR ME? NEVVVVVVVVVVERRRRRRRR!"

The three special agents where sympathetic towards the lavender haired mazuko's plight. Wise and Brown approached Gunter and patted him on the back. Then the most amazing thing happened; Conrart actually came up with an awesome code name for Gunter. "Gunter from this day on you shall be known as Special Agent," he paused for a dramatic effect, "Swordsman!"

"Swordsman?" Gunter asked meekly whilst wiping away his tears.

Yozak whistled, and Murata said, "Awesome idea!"

"I don't understand," Gunter said.

"It is quite simple Gunter," Conrart said, and he continued to explain, "If your code name is Snow, or Flake, or Lavender, MI6 will figure out that you are one of us. However if your code name is Swordsman, they will think that we are talking about someone entirely different."

Murata added, "Like Aldebert von Grantz or Gegenhuber Griesela."

"We'll have two moles," Yozak added.

Gunter shook his head. "They know about Lady Ulrike. They figured that between Ulrike and the Sage that you could open a portal and bring back paintball guns."

Murata's glasses gleamed. "So that is what they think. Follow me," he said as he walked towards the far wall to the left. The three special agents followed Wise to the far wall. Wise placed his hand on a brick and pushed it in. Another brick slid open revealing a control panel with numbers. Wise entered a code, and a brick door opened inward. Lights flickered on inside the secret room. "Follow me," Wise said as he entered the room.

S.A.s Brown, Orange, and Swordsman were dumbstruck. The room was four metres wide, ten metres deep, and three metres high. From floor to ceiling the walls were stacked with water pistols, water cannons, and various types of protective and stealth gear. Wise picked up a small water pistol. "Unlike the paintball guns, water pistols are small and easily concealed." He placed the pistol inside his jacket as a demonstration. "Where as paintball guns only use paint, water weapons my use a variety of liquids. Such as hair dye and ink. The water cannons can be filled with...I'll let you use your imagination."

Yozak let out an out of character evil laugh. The other three agents looked at him. "I was just thinking of Wolfram with a blue face matching his uniform." The agents laughed imagining Wolfram's face.

And thus, the stage was set for the next mission.

Meanwhile at castle, Yuuri and Wolfram were looking for someone, "Gunter where are youuuuuu?"

* * *

Da DA Dum! Da da Dum! Goldfringer...

von Oncins leaves the laptop to sing Goldfringer.


	2. CIA MISSION THE EVIL QUEEN

CIA MISSION: THE MAOU IS AN EVIL QUEEN!

Conrart spoke to a room full of MI6 agents and a mole. "As we all know the yearly children's festival is next week. So I decided to my contribution this year would be a play."

"What kind of play?" Gwendal asked.

"A family play."

"And the name of that play?" Wolfram asked.

"Sleeping Snow White!" Conrart said.

"I don't like the sound of this," Wolfram mumbled to Yuuri.

"What do you want us to do?" Yuuri asked.

"Well, I would like for each of you to take a part in the play."

"Do I get to be the princess?" Greta asked.

"I'm sorry Greta, but that part is already taken. You get to be the jolly midget. It is a very important roll that only you can play."

Greta frowned. She wanted to be the princess.

"I guess you want me to play a role also?" Gwendal asked.

"The grumpy midget."

"Excuse me. Do I look like a midget?"

"Poison Lady Anissina did an experiment on you and you grew into an old grump."

"I'll pass," Gwendal said.

"It is all for the sweet and cute children," Conrart said as he cutely looked at his brother. Gwendal blushed. Hooked and reeled in! Conrart continued, "Gunter and the Sage will be the good fairies."

"Who's the princess?" Greta asked. Still miffed that she was not the princess.

"Yozak is. Yuuri you are the Evil Queen Fairy and Wolfram is the huntsman."

"Why am I the Evil Queen? And why queen?" Yuuri said miffed.

"Sorry, I meant Evil King. And besides, you are the only one that can create water dragons which the play will need at the end. The handsome prince has to battle a dragon."

"Okay I see," Yuuri said.

Wolfram asked, "Who is prince charming?"

"That would be me," Conrart said with a twinkle in his eye.

"You do realise that you have to KISS the princess to wake her up," Wolfram said smuggly.

Oops, Conrart had not that of that. He should not had let Yozak volunteer as princess.

One week later:

A loud scream came from backstage. Wolfram, in his one eye hunchback crippled huntsman costume, limped over Yuuri's dressing room. What Wolfram saw made him lick his lips.

"I refuse to wear this," Yuuri cried.

"Shut up wimp! You look good!" Wolfram said with a lustfull smile.

Yuuri was wearing a red and black female dominatrix outfit, thigh high stelleto heal boots, crimson cape, and a devil's whip. Wolfram licked his lips.

Mission analysis:

Annoy the Maou - success!

Annoy Maou's fiancée – disaster. (He enjoyed Yuuri's new look)


	3. MI6 MISSION LADY YOZAK

MI6 MISSION: GET LADY YOZAK!

Yuuri, Wolfram, and Gwendal were present when Günter entered the Maou's office with a letter in hand.

"What is it Günter," asked Gwendal.

"Well I have here a letter from Lady Elizabeth."

"ELIZABETH?" Yuuri and Wolfram said in unison.

"Yes Lady Elizabeth," Gunter reaffirmed.

Yuuri and Wolfram were now both standing showing signs of slight agitation.

"What does it say?" Gwendal asked.

"Well it is quite odd," Gunter said looking over the letter. "It says here that she graciously accepts the invitation to visit Blood Pledge Castle."

"Uh?" Yuuri and Wolfram said in unison.

"Who invited her?" Gwendal asked.

Gunter looked at Wolfram then at Yuuri and said, "According to the letter His Majesty King Yuuri did!"

"WHAT?" Yuuri and Wolfram said in unison.

"YOU CHEATER!" Wolfram yelled.

"I SWEAR I DID NOT INVITE HER!" Yuuri yelled in self defence.

"QUIET!" Gwendal barked and the asked, "Where is Conrart and Yozak?"

Gunter answered, "I saw them leave this morning." Then he placed a finger to else temple and added, "I found it strange that Yozak was carrying a large bundle. It looked like a big frilly dress was wrapped in it."

Gwendal turned to Yuuri and Wolfram. "Did either of you at anytime invite Lady Elizabeth."

Yuuri and Wolfram shook their heads.

"Well if neither of you invited her, and Gunter saw Yozak and Conrart with a bundle of clothing, then there is only one conclusion," Gwendal said as he air knitted.

"What is it Gwendal?" Yuuri asked.

Wolfram hit Yuuri on the head and said, "That the letter was sent by the CIA. They want us to be leave that Elizabeth is coming!"

"Correct!" Gwendal affirmed.

"Oh, I get it! The CIA is trying to get us to be all flusstered thinking Elizabeth is coming. When really it is Yozak in a dress."

"Correct!" Gwendal affirmed.

Yuuri stood straight and asked, "G what is our next move?"

"OOBlue will be the sniper along with OOGreen. OOBlack will..." Gwendal continued to explain their mission.

Later that afternoon:

OOBlack was waiting for "Lady Elizabeth's" arrival. He heard oofs and a carriage approach. OOBlack smirked. Heading the carriage up the drive was none other than S.A. Brown. Trailing behind on his own horse was S.A. Wise.

The horses and carriage stopped in front of OOBlack. OOBlack watched at S.A. Brown jump of his horse, and make his way to carrige door. S.A. Brown opened the door and placed his hand out to help the lady exit the carriage. As soon as her lower half was out the carriage:

SPLAT!

SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT!

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

SPLAT!

SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT!

ETC...

Snipers hidden in the bushes fired bearbee paint balls at the lady in question, S.A. Brown, and S,A, Wise.

OOBlack bent over laughing! He pointed to the lady, blinked once, blinked twice, blinked thrice, and "!" He ran into the castle yelling, "ABORT MISSION!"

Wolfram came out from behind a bush. He slowly walked up to the'"Lady' and said, "Elizabeth?"

"WHO DO YOU THINK!" Lady Elizabeth screamed! "I RECEIVED AN INVITATION TO VISIT BY HIS MAJESTY, VIA LADY CECILE, AND THIS IS THE RECEPTION I GET? WHY YOUUUUU..." Flaming red roses began to surround her, and she then pointed her finger at Wolfram.

Wolfram, as Yuuri had done, made a run for it!

S.A. Brown turned to Elizabeth and said, "Lady Elizabeth I will show you to your chambers. After you clean up, I am sure you will like to hear what His Highness the Great Sage and I have to offer."

MI6 Mission 'Get Lady Yozak': COMPLETE AND UTTER DISASTER!

And so: CIA recruited a new member – S.A. Roses.


	4. CIA MISSION THE KING'S RED FACE

CIA MISSION: HOW RED IS THE MAOU'S FACE!

Gunter bid His Most Glorious and Magnificent (treacherous) Majesty good night as he left the royal bedroom. He also bid Little Lord (treacherous) Brat good night. "Your Majesty, since it is a warm evening, do you wish for me to leave the window open'"

"What do you think Wolf?" Yuuri asked.

"Yeah, sure why not," Wolfram said without left his head. He was too busy reading a novel from Earth.

Gunter opened the window and left.

Blood Pledge Castle slumbered in the middle of the night. Guards patrolled the castle gardens. The only thing that the could hear was an irritating snore coming from the Maou's window. They wondered how in Shin Makoku could King Yuuri sleep through Lord Wolfram's snores?

Clink.

None of the guards heard a clink.

Frip.

None of the guards heard a frip.

Swoosh. Swoosh.

None of the guards heard a black clothed person repel down to the King's window.

A lone solitary masked person entered the royal chambers via the open window. The figure was dressed in black ninja from head to toe. The only thing that was not black was an embroided red rose on its nicely shaped vavavoom breast. The ninja slowly and quietly walked up to the bed where the royal couple sleeping. "Wimp!" Wolfram snorted as he side kicked Yuuri. The ninja let out a small laugh as it unstrapped the weapon it was carrying from its back and a red rose.

The ninja threw the rose onto the bed between both sleeping figures. The ninja pointed there weapon at the sleeping couple and...pump, pump, pump. the ninja pulled the trigger.

Crimson red dye floated and sprayed onto the royal bed. The bed's occupants began to stir. The ninja pumped the water cannon again. The bed's occupants woke up abruptly when there faces were hit with red dye. They began to yell at the enemy. The enemy continued to soak them with their crimson dye water cannon as they backed up to the window. A wild yet lovely feminine laugh rang throughout the room. "THAT IS FOR THE BEARBEE PAINT!"

The ninja slung the water canon over her shoulder and jumped out the window. When Yuuri and Wolfram realised what was happening it was too late to catch the ninja. They rushed to the window, only to see the ninja disappear into the night.

Wolfram said to Yuuri, "I care for her as a sister as much as I care for Conrart! This is WAR!"

"Agreed," Yuuri said.

The following morning Gwendal entered the Maou's office with a small stack of paperwork. What he saw shocked him. The shock was not from the fact that both Yuuri and Wolfram were working but from seeing their faces were red, crimson red! I smile crept onto his face. What made him laugh out loud was that Wolfram's hair had turned Yozak orange due to the die. Both young men glared at Gwendal.

"I am sorry," Gwendal apologised. The young men continued their glare. In an attempt to switch the conversation he asked, "What are you doing?"

"Getting even," Yuuri replied.

Wolfram added, "Let me explain. Yuuri and I have decided to have family and friends literature night. We plan to read Earth novels to family and friends. For example, we are currently translating a novel by Daphne du Maurier entitled 'Rebeca'."

Yuuri added, "To make it more understandable to the peoples of the castle we are changing the story some what. We are calling it 'Elizabeth'!"

"I see," G said. "Please continue with work OOBlack, OOBlue."

CIA Mission: A completely and wonderful success, but in the end with major consequences.


End file.
